Back Me Up Scotty!

I recently was talking to a female friend of mine, we were out and about at a bar, discussing how people around us were all coupling up and planing their nuptials. At that point she made the deal of her life, she said "well if we are both 35 and still single, why don't we get married." Wow what a proposal I thought, too bad it was the 10th backup marriage I had been offered in as many years.

The hysterical part is that women actually think that they are doing you a favor, their narcissism extends to their perception that it would be a privilege to be her last resort. In return I the man gets a depreciated asset, sagging, older, and not nearly as perky about all of the "benefits." To all my women followers, its not that I think all women age terribly, the reality is as we age, men get better looking, while women fight the good fight.

In the end the older man if he desires can always trade in the old wife for the newer model. I do not in anyway endorse this, I am only saying what is the benefit to me to get a wife outside her prime and have it be a blessing. In the end I guess my annoyance is with the fact that for some reason right now I am undatable, but in the future when the world comes crashing to an end, suddenly, I will be a hot commodity, let me say I will be waiting on the edge of my seat. I would like to feel that if I am getting into a long-term relationship, that I would be worth the risk now, rather then when you have no options left.

In essence a woman is saying you can be my backup because:
1. You're not good enough for me NOW and I can get better.
2. Hopefully, you will age well and become distinguished.
3. Depending on how successful you become I will judge whether or no to be with you depending on how much "allowance" I will receive.
4. At that point in my life I will be too tired to give bjs and hjs so our sex life will be as bland as two hermaphrodite hookers.
5. My desperation to have kids will reach a boiling point as the clock is ticking.

The reality is, no one wants to be someones backup, its a flat insult to proposition a guy especially when both of you are single, if there is a chance even down the road, get off the high horse and give it a shot. The only way someone like me would make that deal is if I get a down payment now, graduating interest payments over the future, and the ability to opt out in the end. If you are down to make that deal, lets shake on it, or rather shake it on me.

Porter's Five Forces

Note:
I have been struggling with a little writer's block and have been working on 4 posts. This is an old post that I was not going to post due to objections. I removed the people who had objections out of the post and edited to the point where it did not mention any one who may get offended. This post is from 2 weekends ago. In all honestly I do not think this is my best work, but I needed to give my readers something as I battle my case of writers block. I hope this suffices.

Porter's Five Forces

This was the weekend of the "competition" Ryder cup of gaming where we would have learned who really was the "master of his domain." This weekend was filled with anticipation and hype all for nothing. So here was the game and how it would have been scored:

A panel of pre-chosen judges would give a girl a score 1-10 depending on the girl's physical appearance. After which, the gamers would go out and close. This would be known as the multiplier. However many bases the player rounds would be the multiplier score, i.e. if the gamer found a girl who was rated a 5 and hit a home run (4 bases) 5*4 would give that player 20 points.

This weekend was especially exciting because many gamers across this great country had come in to participate in the competition; each competitor choose a wing man and this was going to be a match play event. After all of this thought and excitement this event floundered into oblivion.

Despite that slow start to the weekend, I found myself winging for two of my friends and "allies" inside my own circle of friends to help them "enjoy" their night. As I worked as the wing man I applied a little business principal to make sure I understood the gaming environment and guaranteeing success. So what are the principals:

Barriers to Entry:
Every woman has a initial entry point. How many bases a women will allow any man to clear after first meeting someone. This is proportional to the amount of drinks a woman has consumed, a rough formula for an average girl (3 drinks per each base). Too often men are looking for magic keys to the pantie vault, simply put ALCOHOL.

Competition:
This is the most prevalent threat to any gamer. Competition is usually identified quickly especially in the bar as any guy who has a functional cock and are the easily identified and dismissed. The more difficult competitors are the people inside your own circle. The "friends" either male of female. While I am true believer that men and women can never truly be friends due to sexual tensions one must be wary of other male friends in the circle. As booze begin to flow, morals begin to drift out the window and its every man for themselves.

Also, don't forget about the female friends who either are coupled or not nearly as attractive as the target, they love to pull the target away with foolish notions like they are tired. This is when a wing man is important to either distract the male friend with shots, or grenade hop the "questionable" girl. Never fun but always important.

Supplier Power:
Depending on the circles we roll in, the balance of male to female ratio is not only important to get into the bar, but also important to the extracurricular activities after the bar. Too often we roll out with the ratio heavily weighed down with too many men. Its like putting meat in front of hungry dogs, it doesn't matter if its sirloin or ground chuck, once there is blood in the air all bets are off. In this case the ratio was not in my favor as it was a 9:1 ratio so I had to fend off 9 hungry males so my "ally" would have an opportunity to close.

Customer Power:
Picky Picky Picky, people have always claimed with good reason that my standards are too high. Every gamer is a customer at a buffet and the golden rule is to never get between a black man and a buffet. Usually all of us go out to the posh dining spots as we are looking to dine on caviar, but inevitable we find ourselves scarfing fried chicken and collard greens, also known as the resident ladies at the Hunt Club. Our flexibility is solely reliant on desperation and inebriation. Every man has found himself rolling over to either a behemoth that needs a fork lift or a beast that needs a paper bag. As customers we are very reactionary to market conditions, the earlier the night (bull market) we wine and dine, later the night (bear market) we shop with coupons at the local Wallyworld (Walmart).

Threat of Substitutes:
This at times can be the most destructive of the forces out there. Too often men either get complacent or too drunk to finish things off. They get caught up with ideas of late night omelette's or even worse, self-reliance as the relieve themselves and pass out satisfied in laying an egg.

In the end we must all analyze the market conditions, focus, and close. Finally, for those wing men out there, like myself that night, its a team game lay the ball on the rim, and hope your partner is not a functional retard that can't close the deal. Now I hope my ally will return the favor, one can only hope.

Nothing To Report

To My Readers:
I will not be reporting about this past weekend. While I would like to and have been creating a draft for a few posts, I was informed that if I write about certain people they would be offended. As such since some of my readers know who I am, I must show restraint and thus I will be unable to write about my past weekend.

I will try to fill up the blog with something that happens during the week. I am sorry if many of you are anticipating a new post about the weekend. I will be back posting about my next weekend. Sorry again to my readers.

For those of you who do know me, please do not ask me who the people are that would be offended, I will not discuss this and it is between myself and those people.

Later.