Are We Old Yet?

Note: This post is going to be a little different from my previous ones, so many of you may not like it, oh well!

The car bounced as it hit a pot hole, the jolt woke him up as he sat in the back seat. After a moment he peeled open his eyes with great difficulty, his mouth dry, he licked his lips, feeling the morning breath escape his mouth. Outside rain drops spattering across the car, the gray hue from the clouds muted all the light in the car. As he looked around he was unsure where he was in relation to his destination, the trees flew by in a haze. His parents were in the front two seats delicately whispering across the car's console as not to wake him.

It took a few moments for him to right himself, placing his hands on the supple leather, he raised himself off the back seat, stretching out his back and neck, which was tense from the awkward positioned slumber he was awoken from. At first glance he appeared to be like any other boy, dressed by his mother in a penguin outfit that he genuinely hated, wearing it with disdain and discomfort. Constantly, he picked at his suspenders trying to adjust it to a point where he felt comfortable to a fail. His youth was obvious, face filled with baby fat, soft to the touch, his head three sizes too large for his body as it sat awkwardly atop his neck, black hair and dark brown eyes completed his look that were the gift of his father.

The clock on the dashboard flickered with a green hue, the time vexed him, it did not give him an inkling of where he was and how close he was to his destination. As any child would, he began to squirm, there was a growing impatience that he was struggling to suppress, every second felt like ages, the two dots on the digital clock flashed at him as though they were mocking his inability to answer his question. Finally, after a few minutes he could not stand it, he shouted "ARE WE OLD YET!"

Time froze, the sounds of the rain drops hitting the car echoed no more. His eyes focused on a single raindrop that was hitting the windshield smashing itself into the window spreading out in every direction. The sounds of whispering could not be heard, looking at his parents their bodies and faces frozen in time. Confusion and fear began to seep into his heart, pumping ferociously, his head cocked from side to side trying to discern what had happened, when he caught a glimpse of himself rear view mirror. The young face that once encompassed his body, was now sullen, marred with wrinkles, his once exuberant naive youthful eyes were replaced with jaded experienced eyes peering with knowledge gained through age. Suddenly, he found himself asking a new question..."where did the time go."

As I have recently reached the tumultuous age of 25, people call it the quarter life crisis. I find that funny, to call it a crisis, Rwanda is a crisis, getting older is merely a transition. Currently, people my age are standing on the edge looking down at the next chapter of our lives. We are not old, but hell we are not young either. Simply put, we are in no man's land, one foot in our youth, one foot steering us to the next chapter. I continually find myself trying to keep my foot and the feet of others in youth, specifically, partying, boozing and chasing women. Despite my best efforts, a lot of my friends are taking that step away from me, coupling up, planning their futures, and staying home more often than not.

I do not blame them, it's a transition we all eventually must succumb to, mature and move on. If I were in a different place in my life, i.e. employed, in a relationship, I could easily find myself crashing into that next stage. In the end I will delay my aging as much as possible before I say goodbye to my youth and embrace my adulthood.

Disclaiming Disclaimer

After my last post which sorry to say was 9 days ago, people suddenly were worried about me. The thought was that I was one blog away from my Kurt Cobain moment mouth full of shotgun. Ha...I laugh at even the utter thought of that; am I the happiest person in the world, I won't ever claim that to be the truth. Lets be honest, 2008 has been a flat awful year for me. Lets list it out:
1) Lost my job over 9 months ago
2) I have been on 1 date over the entire year
3) No place to live as I move around like a nomadic herder
4) and finally my one passion and skill Fantasy Football...I may not make the playoffs in 1 of my leagues.

Despite this, I am willing to write this blog, I have the ability to participate in self deprecating humor. That was the point of this blog, to make fun of the situation I was in, laugh and enjoy the ridiculous predicaments I constantly find myself in. In 2007 my blog would have been completely different, that was my year, I had a great job, great friends, and I went on so many dates I couldn't remember their names, I only had nicknames as I wrote them in my AVPs' office on the white board labeling it the "depth chart."

So in short, No I am not a loser, who is depressed, and is going to kill himself. My future brother in-law pointed this out. We were sitting watching football and I was bitching about how my Fantasy teams were going south and my one skill is failing me in this dire of times. He simply replied "Wow you can't wait till 2008 is over can you....well at least you're a good sport about it." Yes, yes I am, would you be?

Couples Therapy

Isn't it strange, every time a single person goes out with a group of coupled, engaged, and married people they suddenly like to impart wisdom and dictate to you who to hit on. Suddenly, you are merely their tool, living the life they wish they had, as they vicariously live through you their sordid ideas of sexual exploitation.

I sat there in a group of 8 around a dinner table, all the people taken, except myself and my sister's friend who is 8 years my senior. Quickly, my soon to be brother in-law remarked on cue that her and I should commingle. It's obvious that people in couples suddenly think that single women no matter their age will allow any man, irrespective of circumstance to plow them with impunity. Now, as I have stated in my other posts I have not restrictions on age, and could easily find myself walking the walk of shame out of my elders bedroom. However, its difficult to save face after it has been openly stated in front of everyone that we should hook up.

For some reason people in relationships think this is a fantastic idea to state the obvious, throw out the idea of sex as if that will erase any need for courting, gaming, and closing. I wish I were around them prior to their relationships, and see how skillful their repertoire was prior to claiming their mates. I would imagine since I was surrounded by people who at 30+ were recently engaged, that they were not nearly as adept as they think they were.

Too often, the people in relationships who want to help the single people in their life, claim they are helping, but are more detrimental to the situation rather than aides. In all my years my family and friends constantly state that they are going to "find" me a girl as if it were that easy. They speak of girls that I should talk to, girls that they will introduce me to, but instead fail to even make one step forward to help the single people they promised to assist. Despite a quarter of a century on this planet, not once have I ever been set up, been on the dangerous blind date, or even been introduced to a single person specifically called upon to meet me. Therefore, for those people out there comfortable in their couples, instead of giving me "advice," do something or say nothing. If you need to live out your desire to enjoy the sordid affairs of single life let me be your marital doctor and I prescribe: go rent a romantic comedy, followed by downloading a pornographic film, take your significant other to bed, and pretend their someone else.

Note: Guns Galore

An interesting headline on CNN.com

Gun sales surge after Obama's election

I am not saying anything but...hmmmmmm!!!

Note: Play that Funky Music!

I am no music expert, actually I would probably describe myself as a functional retard in music, but I fell in love with this song: Day 'N' Night by Kid Cudi. Downloaded it off Itunes love it! I heard it on the last episode on Entourage...its a sweet song, if you dont like it...tough!

Less than 30

This past weekend, I spent a majority of my night talking with and closing a cute woman that I had the pleasure gaming. In the end I found myself with digits that I will not be able to use. I can hear it, everyone gasping at the thought of unused digits, why would I collect a number without ever dialing it to see where it goes.

Well despite my hope that there was an opportunity of a new lady in my life, I quickly learned I was going to be fighting an uphill battle. After I got done locking down the number, my friend put in some due diligence, and learned that the woman in question was 30, though that is not a problem for me. To be quite honest none of us in the group could believe she was actually that age. He also learned that she would never date anyone more than a year younger than her. Well there goes 3 hours of work aka a conversation. I rather would have spent my night face buried in the drink at the local watering hole, there goes $100 of tax payer money all to close an impossibility. I guess the positive side to that is that practice makes perfect. However, the game can get pretty boring without a partner I spend a majority of my time "practicing," put me in Coach!

Despite the failure I honestly felt bad for her. I understand her position, at her age, she has seen the dog and pony show, she has met the wizard, and wants to click her heels to get out of there and go home with her "soul mate."

I personally think women especially Indian women have a long list of criteria that must be met before buying a ticket and embarking on the cruise. Generalizing of course, age, height, social order, are a few requirements that many women have. My issue with this is that I feel that if you have so many minimum requirements you are losing out on the opportunity to meet people who may be right for you though they don't make the requirements. For those of you who would think I do not have any experience with this, let me tell you, so often I have been given the same excuses of why I would not be a suitable suitor. "I am sorry, we have been friends for too long; I am sorry I know its dumb but you are a few years younger than me and its a big deal for me," and so on and so forth. I have heard the excuses of why it can't happen, instead of these women rolling the dice and putting the faith that it only has to happen once.

I do not think its their fault though. Its an injustice of social norms created by a conservative Indian community that is still trying to find itself in this adopted country. Their parents, their relatives, and their friends add to the social pressures that force them to adopt such rigid requirements. In the end it is this generation that will push these social norms to open up the rigid requirements for the next generation; which will be more "American" than anyone from the 1st generation Indians who are currently navigating and balancing their culture as we assimilate into the crowd. In the end I hope that more of the Indian women will push the social norms and roll the dice and take some chances. If not I guess I will have to start working the Viagra triangle circuit to meet those Pumas and Cougars who are not faced with social pressures to please their culture, Jilly's here I come!

Thank You for Smoking...Not!

Recently at the bars I was a little tipsy when I began spouting off another one of my loud and ostentatious rants of my beliefs about everything and anything. So instead of just sharing my thoughts with my blogging nemesis and the married guy, I thought I would share my lunatic rants with my readers.

My recent annoyance was with the negative stigma that has been placed on smokers, even if it is someone like me who is a social smoker defined by smoking when drinking and with friends. The current state of affairs makes it socially unacceptable to be a "smoker" whether or not you are a social smoker or and addict. It is clear how the country feels about smoking, no longer are we allowed to smoke in bars as we are banished to the cold shivering while holding a cigarette. Now let me be clear I love the fact that smoking is not allowed in bars, I hate smelling of rancid smoke that is difficult to get out. Despite my delight with the new rules, it puts in to quick focus how people feel about smokers, we are not held in high esteem.

Too often I have felt the looks of people who love to judge people for their actions. Some will even verbalize their disdain for your actions by offering up snide comments. I do not in any way condone smoking or say that its a great way to spend a few minutes out with friends adding to the slow death we all face. However, since when did it become socially acceptable to demean anyone who makes a choice, even if its one people don't agree with.

I am sure all of you who will offer up your opinion to a smoker would never dare comment on a 350 pound behemoth who is eating their 5 big mac devouring it without regard. Now that, that would be rude, even mean, but to impugn a smoker, that is just right! Social acceptance makes lecturing a smoker palatable. In return I ask you if you want to lecture me on my poor choices, all I ask in return is that you lecture anyone who makes poor decisions, if you cant do that much, at least offer me a light before you lecture!

Election Funday: Barack Obama

I was asked by my comments to discuss my thoughts on the brand spanking new president. While I like to avoid discussing politics, especially after my popularity with my previous blogs is at an all time low. However, I would like to tell you what I think.

In all honestly, I am holding my breath, reserved in my thought that Obama is our saviour. Everyone across this great country suddenly thinks that Obama is the greatest thing since sliced bread. The reality is that we have been yearning for true leadership, in a dessert, seeing an oasis and because of our desire to quench our thirst we will drink the sand.

I really wanted Obama to convince me that he is the great leader that we all need. He sounds smart, looks presidential, and feels like a leader we need. However, I watched all of the debates and waited for him to say something. I waited, I waited, and I am still waiting. The people that built his campaign were smart, they knew they had a huge lead due to Bush, so they put on the prevent defense and let McCain play catch up. During the campaign Obama was tactically great, he spoke so well that people didn't realize that he said absolutely nothing. The entire time he spoke he talked about change, but never gave us a step by step plan on what he would do for change. Nothing was given, but merely the ability of him and his staff to tie McCain to the Bush administration.

I as a business professional am nervous of his tax changes and re-distribution of wealth philosophy. This is capitalism, Darwinian philosophy, the cream should always rise to the top. If we begin to punish those for their successes by taxing them, re-distributing their earnings, at what point to the market leaders decide the US is no longer a viable place to do business. The US has one of the highest business tax rates around the World. Businesses will soon find their margins shrinking due to the global recession and what profits they do have will be taxed at higher rates. Incentive is the greatest driver in human psychology. If we want to be a mediocre society similar to those in the European Union, lets move towards socialism and enjoy mediocrity. Personally I prefer to be leaders, and that is why Capitalism creates such great incentives (AKA Money) that drives human capital and innovation. In the end I am worried that he will restrict incentives and lose our "thought leaders" all because of a few greedy SOBs on Wall Street, and trust me I have more a reason to hate those greedy CEOs because they cost me my job. However, still I will defend the free markets until I draw my last breath.

Now let me be clear, I am in Obama's corner, between the two I leaned more towards Obama rather than McCain, not because I thought he was a savior, but because his tempered and deliberate demeanor was needed in a situation of absolute chaos. I personally did not want to contribute to the republicans war mongering, which would have continued under the McCain regime. The republicans are true American cowboys, six shooters at their side, ready to charge in without regard to human life.

However, I am very wary of fanatic Obama supporters. Many of my friends helped with the campaign, people were cheering on facebook when it happened. Lets not give Obama divinity until he produces. Talk is always talk until he creates something out of this mess. If you are a fan of Obama it does not mean you must accept and defend every single word spoken by the man. To be a true fan, you not only will defend your leader, but attack him as well. A great leader needs to be vetted out and natural conflict of ideas is always needed to produce ground breaking ideas.

Obama might be the great president we are waiting for, but I will wait to anoint him the next JFK until he shows me something. I am taking a leap of faith, I hope that he is the leader that transcends this century, I hope he will lead the market out of its current doldrums, I hope he will help job creation that gets me off the unemployment line, I hope!

Retracting Retraction

After my last post, I received some strong negative comments. Women across the land back lashed against my musings the last time I wrote some thing. While I stand by what I said in the last blog I think certain comments were taken way out of context. Suddenly, women, even friends who I considered close friends were looking at me differently, "disappointed" in me as if I were some slime ball, sleazy piece of shit that marginalizes and abuses the entire gender.

I will be honest, and say I was a little upset and hurt that people read my blog taking what I said out of context and suddenly have done a 180 believing that I was not nearly the man that I once was in their eyes, a sophomoric child whose blog is nothing more than a rant meant to impugn women.

Most women read my last blog and are upset that I would suggest that women age "poorly" and men only look better. While that is what I said, it was taken out of context, its similar to the presidential candidates blasting each other on their negative campaign ads taking one line out of their opponents ideals and using it against them without taking into account the whole position.

Women age "poorly" not because women are the lesser of the two genders, but rather because men are the more socially superficial of the two. The question that must be asked is how many times have you seen a pretty girl with an ugly guy, versus an ugly girl with an good looking man? Few and far between is the obvious answer. The reason for this is women in general take into account a myriad of factors when choosing their mate, weighing physical attractiveness at a much lower level than any man would. So in turn, as a man ages, other factors play a more prominent role to women thus men have the ability to gain attractiveness rather than lose it; while the superficial man weighs physical attractiveness at such a high level and that does not really change as we age.

To quote Chris Rock "That's right I said it," but in the end I am certain that I will not get phone calls from my male friends that they are suddenly upset with me for stating verifiable facts. While I suggested such a small truth about women, which was something I heard from a WOMAN in fact. Don't you love the irony!

So in the end to those who commented that I am the un-datable male, I laugh, mainly because I know many of the males you are dating, and you have no idea what is actually going on in their head. I actually have the cohones to tell you what is being said without you in the room. This is a glance in the mentality of all males, when we get together over a poker table, smoking on phallic shaped cigars, discussing our sexual conquests, as a socialization to fit in with our male counterparts.

To be quite honest, I am way too nice of a guy, to a fault. I could list out all of the questionable actions that I have done in my life, write them down, and in all honestly it would be the equivalent to a college kids freshman year.

We all wear guises depending on the situation and social setting were are presented. When you go to work, when you are with your friends, when you are with you significant other, we all have a separate guise we wear so that we fit in depending on the situation. This blog is merely one guise I wear and I am sharing with you, so if you suddenly think you know me per this blog, than you are merely an ignorant fool who wants to live in your naivete ideals.

Finally, if you really don't like what I have to say, why are you wasting your time reading this blog, you must like something I say. For those of you who want to learn a little something about the male persona, listen, analyze and enjoy, I am giving you a backstage pass, don't make me revoke it.

In the end maybe I am being hypersensitive, if I want to be controversial I need to be able to handle a little flack, but fuck it, its my blog so I am going to defend myself. Its hard not to be a little defensive as I am opening myself to attack and having my friends view me negatively. If I didn't know any of you I guess I wouldn't care. Maybe this should be the end of the blog, hide and run, but I did say maybe!